And trust me...never judge another's parenting
Ok so this is something I have been really wanting to blog about. And something I feel quite strongly about. Parents judging other parents and women judging other women. It's awful and we need to stop it!
Before I became a Mom Before I became a Mom I was blissfully oblivious of exactly what this job actually entailed. Yes...I though I knew, I mean I had watched my sister-in-law raise her boys, I had watched friends and other family raise their kids. Of course I knew what it was all about. Of course I had place to judge and critique others parenting methods. I knew something they were obviously missing. Right? Wrong! Oh gurl, so so wrong! Firstly, without having a child of your own, you cannot even begin to fathom or grasp the depth of effort, stress and difficulty involved in raising a small human. Seriously, you just can't, so don't even try. (And if you are thinking "oh whatever, what does she know", just wait until you have your own children and then come back here and re-read this, trust me. You will be shouting at the top of your lungs, "preach sister preach!) And don't get me wrong I am not coming from a place of 'all-knowing" or being Judgement Judy, over here. I was that person, I was there, I was the know it all. The loud mouth preaching on my little soap box without actually having a clue, yip...that was me a few years ago.
Firstly, without having a child of your own, you cannot even begin to fathom or grasp the depth of effort, stress and difficulty involved in raising a small human. Seriously, you just can't, so don't even try.
I have always been a very "nice" person, I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I am consistently positive and always try to see good in others. Yet I still managed to find fault. Fault in the Mom who put the tv on instead of reading to their child, or drawing or picking flowers in the garden. Fault in the Mom who gave their child a pre-made meal bought from the store instead of cooking with love, a fresh, healthy, home made meal for their little one. Fault in the Mom for spoiling her kids, instead of teaching them the value of money and how we have to work hard to get what we want in life. Fault in the Moms whos' toddler was channeling their inner demon, in the grocery store and going full loco on the dirty shop floor. Fault in the Mom who gave their child the sugary snack instead of the healthy option of fruit and vegetables. Fault in the Mom that looked like she had been dragged through a bush backwards, I mean it doesn't take long or much effort to make yourself presentable...and on and on and on I found fault in other Moms.
Seriously what is wrong with us as women that we can criticize so easily. When in actual fact we have no idea. What was wrong with me! Firstly I had no idea because I was not a Mom myself and didn't realize the complexities of what it was to be a full time working Mom, wife and home maker. I did not even begin to comprehend how the whole world shifts and how on many days you are literally just trying to keep yourself from sinking. I had no idea the Mom guilt involved in being a working Mama. Or how time literally dispersal and become a thief of precious moments and memories you are desperately trying to create. I was clueless. And had absolutely no right to judge or even comment on what another Mom was doing. I actually should have just dropped down on my knees and kissed the ground she walked on (and trust me, I would have if I had known any of this). I also had no place to judge because we do not know anothers' truth. We have not walked in their shoes and we do not know what they go through on a daily basis. How dare us comment on something we know nothing about. Something that is none of our business. We don't know that she is dealing with an ailing family member, a job that does not allow leave and a child who has learning difficulties. We don't know that she is in so much debt that she cannot sleep at night or that her husband is never home and she more often than not feels like a single parent. We do not know any of this.
We don't know that she is in so much debt that she cannot sleep at night or that her husband is never home and she more often than not feels like a single parent.
As we grow, we learn and we do better It has been a long road to get here. I have grown and learnt and matured. But now I can honestly say I would way rather lift someone up rather than find the fault in them and inevitably pull them down. We are not perfect beings. And as women we have so much already dragging us down, especially with the media bombarding us, making us feel less, feel guilty, feel like not enough. The last thing we need is our fellow women jumping on the band wagon. So lets try do less of that. Lets rather try motivate and encourage those around us. Lets not judge others or think we know their truth just by looking through our rose coloured glasses. It may not be easy and it may not come naturally to everyone but lets go out of our way to be nice and kind to those around us, especially or fellow women and Moms. Down the line we are going to need a hand to lift us up or a word of reassurance to get us through a tough time, so we might as well start now on building up our good karma.
Lets rather try motivate and encourage those around us. Lets not judge others or think we know their truth just by looking through our rose coloured glasses.
Before I had my child I said I would never to;
* Putting my child in front of the tv...Of course my child, like most, was an instant tv addict without even knowing what it was. She now has her favorite shows and brings me the remote to put them on, on a daily basis. She is 15 months. #neversaynever
*I also said I would never let her play on my phone. But sometimes when she is having a melt down it is literally the only thing that will calm her down. #neversaynever
*Giving her store bough food...My little sunshine is fussy like a boss. Like she does fussy like it's her 9 to 5. I cooked every home made, organic, fresh, meal under the sun, like hours and hours of cooking and shopping every day and she hated every bit of it. Spit it on the floor kind of hate. After all my blood sweat and tears she loved store bougth meals and wolfed them down. #neversaynever
* I said I would not be a Mom who holds, rocks and sooshes my baby to sleep in the night when she cries, I would teach her to sleep independently in her cot...My child could only fall asleep on me for the first 7 months of her life and when I tried to put her down to eat, sleep, wee, she would scream the house down. So I didn't put her down, ever. #neversaynever
Trust me this list can go on and on and it teaches me every day that I am not perfect. I am flawed in so many ways. And that's ok. And you know what so is everyone else, and that' ok too. So lets look past our flaws and try be better and do better.
PS. Here are some of our little ones favorite shows. She is spellbound watching these and this usually gives me enough time to make a fantastic home made meal for her to spit out on the ground. So pleasure in advance.
"Most of all I like positive people who have flaws."
George Andrew Romero
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