And welcome back Mama Guilt...
My little sunshine is almost 2 years old now. She is growing so fast. We had such a fantastic Christmas break. We shared so many special moments, we had such fun with play dates and outings and we really made the most of our time together. Such special Mama-Daughter bonding time. So when it was time (today) to go back to creche, so this Mama Bear could go back to work, my little angel was less than excited to get back to see her carers and friends.
I had been prepping her for a few days before. Saying, "It's almost time to go back to school", "Are you excited to see all your friends", "You get to play on the slides and jungle jim in the big kids section". And each time I asked her if she was excited and wanted to go back, I got a big smile and a loud "Ya!!" So I was feeling quietly confident and slightly excited that she was ready to go back and that she was eager to see her little friends again. Maybe I even felt a little smug at my smart parenting, in coxing the thought of school back into her mind. Feeling smug hey...Bad move Mama! This morning, when we woke up and I excitedly said, "Yay, today is the first day back at school, you get to see your friends. Do you want to go see your friends?" She responded with a big, fat, resounding "NO!"...And so the drama started. She remembered that school drop offs where not her best last year. (She cried at each drop off...like the entire year. She is my precious, mommy clingy, sensitive girl, so the drop off thing is tough for her) So needless to say, we were already having some difficulty when we were getting dressed, getting in the car seat and our whole drive there. She was already upset and stressed about going to school.
It only got worst, as soon as we walked in she wanted to cry and clung to me like a little bush baby. She kept saying no and shaking her head. (My heart broke into a million little pieces) Anyone who spoke to us got the back of her head as she looked away and burrowed into me. Poor little munchkin...it must be a lot for her. I distracted her with some dolls and tried to be in and out as fast as I could, as I think it is less traumatic for everyone. But she made it so difficult she clung to me, crying and screaming. One of the carers had to just take her and try soother her heart wrenching cries, as I fled through the doors. I cried the whole way to work. And then sat in the bathroom at work having a little blub and trying to get myself under control. Mom life is hard guys!!!
I cried the whole way to work. And then sat in the bathroom at work having a little blub and trying to get myself under control. Mom life is hard guys!!!
My heart hurts so badly thinking that she thinks I abandoned her. And my Mom guilt rears its' ugly head, reminding me that I am just the worst. But this is all in my head, it is not the truth. She probably stopped crying as soon as I drove away and she is definitely having fun with her friends right now. Oh and you know she is hogging that slide in a big way! Logically I know she is ok. Logically I know she is having fun. Logically I know this is something I have to do, to provide for her. Logically I know this is great for her socially and will help her be more independent and less clingy. Logically I know I am a kick-ass Mama. Logically I know all this! But logic doesn't always make you feel better...My heart still hurts. My Mom Guilt is still there. And I am struggling to stop worrying about her and get through the days work.
Any other Mamas struggle through today's drop off? Or even better any other Mamas have some words of encouragement for us poor suckers? Pretty please?
"Today was hard. But I survived it." Unknown
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